Bored and Sick and Apathetic
With Transexuality
Punks VS Tr*nsers
Which is More Powerful ?
I DON'T CARE THAT I'M TRANS ANYMORE
dripping wet outta the shower.
maybe its cuz i'm kinna happy with my body this year and even sit arround the room topless most days... or maybe its cuz even tho i get harassed walking down the street about once a week or i get read if i go in to queer space, most people are to weirded by me to actually physicly attack me (except children .. who i could easily destroy if i wanted)... or they dont sufficently care.. and i dont care if i get read by goths or queer hipsters cuz what are they gonna do about it... I'm a really cute tranny punk from the underground nation of filth and they are just goths and hipqueers... i am than they are above them on the food chain and they aknoledge this.
i did want to say something about punks.. and trannys and TsPx issues...
but i kept putting this off cuz i'd rather sew than rant about the trans... as i was saying i've either exhausted myself, or i'm aknoledging that my passability and meaning are so subjective to where you put me that i cant make umbrella opinions about my social sittuation, or maybe lifes just been good to me to much lately...
but i had to do this rant to post the cool vanity pictures.
anyways:
TRANNYS vs PUNKS
RANDOM OBSERVATION FROM PUNK FEILD RESEARCH
so on the heals of that whole thing a few months back where i was never able to actually figure out if housemates J. and P. actually figured out if i was trans or not. i found out that P. was a total queer... hes straight.. but he likes all kinda of boy action on the side.. especially if theres alchol consuming as foreplay.
in fact: so many of the lanky lazy daft crust boys seems to be wired up real damn queer.
i'm told there are excellent underground photo galleries organised by city devoted to catologuing exactly how queer your local crust boys get after a few foties. and its a well know non secret amongst everybuddy.
and then i add to this that good old seminal experience 2 years back of serial vomiting scum kid ralph trying to talk me in to pissing on him in a bush just so he could find out what gender i was... he wanted to know but ultimately was ready to get pissed on and put his dick in to either... it was a non issue.
and i occasionally get scumfuck drunk kids hitting on me from my online profiles. and i went with that wayne guy but he was a lil more sedate than im usually attracted to but that worked out real well except for the never calling me again part.
and then there was running amuck with gracie in south pitt city, and she kinna dated a funnylookin cute big nosed dirty kid named F. for a month last fall... it wasn't true love or anything.. but he needed a place to live and she had her giant squat with a wood stove and it was cold so they slept together so they slept together...
they broke up when he wandered off to live with people with electricity, [and she got involved with some 56 year old con man guy she met at a soup kitchen...]
and while i was kicking in south Pittcity we were hanging out and drinking with jonny mutherfucker who regards us as thirdsex entities but its cool, and F. who used to be with grace and brandon who just assumed i was Bio even tho he knew about grace and me and Brandon had a few fcasually flirty moments and who knows when what or if he knew later . ACTUALLY i prolly shouldnt be talking about her buissiness, but part of my freindship with grace is my facination that while i left punk to do my gender crap and then came back, she stayed in it and punk was her safe space and provided her the tools and support to do her stuff.. that and since she transitioned in a punk communitee and cuz kids are mostly not stable.. theres a weird mix of people who know everything and people who just sort of know stuff and people who dont know that theres stuff to know.
and then in boston when i was hanging with the troll scum under the bridge no buddy read me as far as i can tell, but i did have a homeless non punk guy who actually made $1200 a month as a moving van guy and was just living on the street to save money for something.. he was totally making unappropriate sexual advances on me constantly and i was actually being like "hey.. back the fuck off asshole, but lets stay freinds" instead of my usual MO which is to take any validating male attention i can get...
but thats off topic.
and really... in NYC i had so many crust boys hitting on me hardcore and i was practicly surfing their generosity and i dont think i bought more than 4 beers the 10 days i was there.. but those boys kept me constantly drunk.... esp the older punkass from the band i stayed with... he was flirting with me in a weird way that involved frequent rants about how he couldnt shake his depression over his breakup with his last girlfreind but he gave me icecream.
and then we were hanging with grind core kids at their relatively nice houses.. cuz grindcore kids seem to have good stable easy high paying jobs... (??? maybe grindcore is such a blatant an expression of inner-evil-sadisto-rage anguished-destruction-chaos-lust cuz grind kids all work as office assistants and landscapers) and the other 3 girls in the scene were all pretty much peer to me in terms of age,number of tatoos, and alchol and drug consumption...
so i got a super kick out of meeting several normal girls who i am right on the same page as.. but it kinda weirded me out that on several diff occasions one of them would saysomething like
"its cool you came up here... its always awsome to meet more cool chics in to the grind and stoner metal scene... we never get enough girls at theese shows"
and i was like "mumble... yup mumble".....
but thats off topic to.
no it isnt...
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so my point here is two fold:
1. i love being trans and punk cuz i'm a funnily built girl with 12 tatoos and i can fix anything and i like to get fucked up and i do lots of yucky gross stuff and thats boringly normal average for a punk girl in the underground nation of filth.
2. punks* are so queer that they are over being queer.. punks are post queer... that and by the time a kid is 25 hes allready seen just about every fucked up fucking thing imagianble... and most filthy punks dont remotly comprehend society let alone subscribe to many of its behaviours... so trans is just another peice of information and a non big deal. and any hole is a good hole if your just fucking arround and looking for kicks. queer and/or trans in the dirty scene is not just accepted and respected, its not even sort of an issue. and if you eat garbage and shit in things that aren't toilets then you might as well fuck** whatever you want also...
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so i dont know if i'm just stating the blatantly obvious, or rambling or ghettoising myself in my lil dirt and doom fetish or letting my GID get access to my general schitzo-typal tendencies... but right now, being trans and punk is real good to me and i see it staying good to me for a far long while still, no matter how i decide to manage or present my trans...
cuz respect is bestest when you dont have to ask for it and people dont have to lift a finger to give it to you.
that and theres only two things that irk me about the trans really.
a. getting teased or threatened about it by assholes at bus stops. or having people i should be freinds with act weird at me.
b. having people not want to fuck me because of it (and to a lesser degree wanting to fuck me just for that reason when there is no other common ground... not a big deal but still bleh)
those are the only things that make being trans suck
and neither of those are big problems lately
(tho they have been in the past, making me a lil shyer than i should be).
FOOTNOTES |
* in this case i refer mostly to the crusty drop outs, not just scum and drunks, but the masses of dirty antisocial weirdos who populate the underground nation of filth. i am so gonna design an UNDERGROUND NATION OF FITLH patch...
**and to think i really shied away from the punk scene for most of my early-mid twenties... now i fell stupid and like i missed out on soem prime years of my life over what in hindsight seem like stupid issues only i beleived in... but were the kids alwasy so accepting and open ???
I read old articles and interviews with people who are 40ish now and were faggot punks back in the 80s and they talk about fighting and getting their asses kicked alot. trans punk history is harder to come by, and body i've heard of or talked to who was trasn and punk in the 70s-80s sort of kept to themselves and their kind alot.. or tipped more heavily in to being punks in the gay/drag scene rather than queer trannys in the punk scene (thats what i did during those years in my twenties were i was away from the punks)
fag punks [i heart bruce la bruce] sort of spell the deal out like this:
in the seventies lots of punk boys where fucking eachother. punk was new still and it was haven for outcasts and weirdos whichh included the queers. in the late 70s and 80s the gay movement was gaining momentum and many allegedly non queer punks where weirded out by the overtness. so they expressed their discomfort through being assholes. previously being a queer punk was no big deal but it had been a more private pursuit and had less expression socially. then in the 90s liberal arts got real badass and queer theory and gender studies became things you could major in in college. then again mainstream punk is to the underground nation of filth what lunch is to candy.
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WHAT CH' Y'ALL THINK ?
me typing this all oput is totally not me trying to tell anybuddy anything. This entry is on TsPx filter anyways.
since i have such a bunch of TsPx caliber peeps on my freinds list i figured Y'all could prolly clarify all this for me.
help a girl out ? cuz this is good positive happy information to think about....
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anybuddy who can add anything substansial to all the dross i just laid out will get a popsicle purchased for them by me.
that is correct: if you can explain the trans punk intersection better than i can. i will buy you a popsicle and bring it to your house if you live in filthydelphia... people in other cities will have to wait a bit. and i'll prolly go to europe before 2010 so dont despair.
and i dont mean just the egualr popsicles.. i'll get you an ice cream sandwhich or a ice cream choklitbar or a puddin pop or a strawberryshortcake or anything thats a frozen single servinf dessert treat. i'll give a tortufol if thats what you want... those things are like $5...
this is all so i can eventually non suckilly complete my zine and have closure in my life like that.
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and heres another vanity picture, its a dirty picture to even tho im clean outta the bath !
I DONT KNOW HOW YOU FOUND IT, BUT YOU ARE IN THE TsPx ARCHIVES !!!
YEP. A Library Gallery of ancient Trans Rants from back when i was young and angry. Thank to the Bio-s for trammpling my will and spirit !!
With my soul crushed I can now function as a blank eyed drone in society and not cause any trouble!!
yay !! I'm so emotionless with no soul and I'll never feel again !!!
THIS WAS WRITTEN years ago when i was young and sensitive (now i'm old and jaded). Fuck off with the hurt feelings hate mail. Stop disagreeing with me or i'll ride my bike to your town and hit you. Alot.
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