The New Girl......

sideways glances and willfully casually disinterested curiosity

lily: "see that kid over there? the dirty with the choppy 'hawk....?"

laurel: "the punk kid on the bike ??"

lily: "i saw that kid last week at that house show i went to...."

laurel:"whats his storey ?"

lily: "SHE is one of ours...."

laurel:"that kid ?"

lily: "yeh... she just moved here from torino. shes freinds with squeak and mo and lives out on 482nd street"

laurel:"and they're one of our girls ? she new ?"

lily: "i didn't ask... i think shes some kinna hippy type.. collective grocery stores or sumthing..i think her name is steph....."

laurel:"you gonna absorb her in to yer clique..."

lily: "i don't have a clique... i dont know her... i dont know much about her..."

laurel:"jeez... another butchy one..."

lily: "i read her a rather soft actually... but we havent like conversed or anything."

laurel:"at least this one shaves tho... still shes worse than the rest of your freinds... i mean... what happened to presentation ?!? the dirty mohawk is cool and you'd never convince her to wear makeup but like... you should convince her to wear a skirt or sumthing at least..."

lily: "i dont know her.... I'll talk to her eventually tho... she's prolly neat.."

laurel:"shes gotta work on her presentatation tho... i mean... really.. theese kids yer freinds with... like maybe they have a political point or sumthing but they're just making it harder on themselves"

lily: "uh...i ... i dunno... steph is just doin her own thing... y'know i agree with you and i dont... people do shit their own way... like i wear a miniskirt every day.. but im tarty like that.. and i got something to prove.. which is mostly that i am tarty"

laurel:"i guess ...cuz whichever way you go... its cuz you have something to prove"

lily: "well you're kind of a i'm pretty roll out of bed myself.... thats how i am"

laurel:"its different tho.. your far in, you've paid your dues...and you make an effort and present. your concious of it."

lily: "some days more than others... if i was 5 years younger i do it like she does... i'm kinna ... not ashamed but i tried way to hard to many times to be way softer and prettier than i am, like i regret the years of my life that i ...overdid stuff... i dunno.. fuck it..."

laurel:"so yer in to her ??? she could be fun for you... thats totally your type and despite your bullshit you'd totally rub off on her and help her out with her stuff.."

lily: "no.... "

laurel:"oh, yer in to her... bullshit you're not..."

lily: "i dont know her... and i think she has a girlfreind.... and she like... her GID management seems a lil too different than mine"

laurel:"which kinna grilfreind? regardless shes a dirty weird kid and you are gonna predatorilly pursue her and lick her bum hole and make scissors with her....because you have an all consuming fetish about exactly that type... you are way to impulsive to resist your lecherous impulses.. you want her soooooooo bad."

lily: "arrrg... no.. no fuckin way.... I will TOTALLY be freinds with her tho... more cool girls y'know... i just get a kick out of meeting more girls im peer with.."

laurel:"whatever. listen to you... your rabid with dirty tom girl lust."

lily: "no... not her.... shes just left of what i like... and anyways.. i think i'm gonna quit girls..."

laurel:"ha ha ha ha ha !!! yeh right.. "

lily: "nah... i love our girls... especially the crazy dirties... but im messing myself up... i cant take this seriously.. it alwasy ends baddly and ... i dunno."

laurel:"like... what do you like?? you make no sense...."

lily: "i think i might have learned my lesson by now... or at least ive slowed the fuck down on that front... like hitting the sisters is too sweet.. its like being drunk and stoned and eating candy all the time. and like that... it not ... its delicious but it lacks sustinance."

laurel:"yeh.... i'll beleive it when i see it"

lily: "like my freind zoe said, its exciting that you both understand eachother, untill you realise that you just wind up with twice as much issues in the end. too self fullfilling... i'm starting to suspect that i NEED outsider perspective as the main meal of the day ..otherwise I'll get social tooth decay. ...i spend to much time with my sisters allready... its like living in fucking reverb...."

laurel: "...........!?! always gotta make everything in to some epic metaphore dealee......."

lily: "that and while i love doing dirty things to lil girls... i am myself a lil girl and thusly need some dirty things done to me. i mean... i love an eager girl who wallows in attention, but how bout some ravenous hunger.... "

laurel:"yeh... y'know what, lil ? get yourself a big dick to date and call it a day..."

lily: "i dunno.... i dunno what im gonna do, or whats gonna work right... i just gotta stop crushing on sisters.. or scale it back or just make an effort to..."

laurel:"get a fucking boyfreind"

lily: "i'll get arround to it... i think i might need to like hide for a few months..."

laurel:"what the hell do you want ? what the fuck do you like.... really...."

lily: "... . i dunno ........ i hate everybuddy... they all get on my nerves."

before you ask or assume: the preeceeding was a cute lil story about some girls who could be any girls and is ment to illustrate just stuff about life and stuff people think about but not overtly, in a narrative presentation.... none of this has nessessarily anything to do with me or any of my freinds or any buddy any of you all know. I, for example, am a mentally healthy sexually confident completly stable gal and have no issues noor any need for self examination and i never brood or have sexual existential crisis or doubt my own reasoning or emotions


YEP. A Library Gallery of ancient Trans Rants from back when i was young and angry. Thank to the Bio-s for trammpling my will and spirit !!
With my soul crushed I can now function as a blank eyed drone in society and not cause any trouble!!
yay !! I'm so emotionless with no soul and I'll never feel again !!!

THIS WAS WRITTEN years ago when i was young and sensitive (now i'm old and jaded). Fuck off with the hurt feelings hate mail. Stop disagreeing with me or i'll ride my bike to your town and hit you. Alot.

MY diary is really gross and embarasing.

I think this link goes to the index but I havent tried it.